I am often asked – can we save money if we go to a mediator? The answer, in Tennessee, is both no and yes. Please read Mediation: A Cautionary Tale, my yes and no answer, and to understand why I titled it this way.
Going to a mediator – before you file for divorce – before you’ve hired an attorney – before you know your rights – is not anything I’d recommend.
Why? Aren’t Mediators there to help us resolve our differences? And to help us save money so that we don’t have to hire an attorney?
In a perfect world, that may be true. Mediators, however, cannot represent either of you or give any of you advice. They can’t tell you, as you are sitting across from your spouse – that the deal you are about to enter into is a big mistake and a Judge would never order you to pay him or her that much money.
Sure – it makes your and your spouse’s life simpler (at that moment). And it simplifies the mediator’s life – if you go ahead and sign the papers. And sure, it will save you tons of money (at the moment). However, after a few months of living under the terms of this agreement (that is completely unaffordable), you call the mediator to have the papers reworked. Then you find out the mediator cannot represent you in changing those papers.
Mediation: A Cautionary Tale, Explained
Now you have to hire an attorney, go back to Court, and fix the legal papers you entered into – and it’s never that easy to get out of these agreements! Most of the time, you can’t get out of them. My advice is to hire your own attorney at the very beginning. Know your rights before you sign anything!!! If you want an uncontested, affordable divorce – tell your attorney upfront.
Tell your attorney you don’t want to spend thousands of dollars on a divorce. You don’t want to go to court. And that you don’t want to fight and argue for one year. Explain your top three goals in getting this divorce. Ask your attorney to explain the law, what the Judge will do, and if your goals are possible. Tell your attorney to negotiate the divorce for you with your spouse.
Ultimately, you will spend as much money as you did on a mediator. But the difference is you will have an attorney representing you in the process, and you will have made a very informed decision about your divorce. Take steps to finalize your divorce without regrets.
When is mediation a good thing? When you are in the middle of a heated battle. Or, you both have attorneys charging you loads of money, and you are headed to Court to fight the battle of a lifetime. But before you go down this path, take three hours with your attorney present, his attorney present, and a mediator present to see if you can resolve the major issues causing this battle.
Ask your attorney to choose a mediator who knows the attorneys and your Judge’s temperament. One that your attorney knows does a good job. Don’t pick one that your attorney has never heard of or one that has never tried a case in front of your Judge. In my opinion, you are wasting your money if you do this. Then let the mediator be a second sounding board for you, your spouse, and your attorneys. In these instances, mediators do their best work.
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