Child Custody. At what age can a child say who they want to live with?

I receive at least one call a week asking me about child custody.  Specifically, the question, “At what age can a child say who they want to live with?” There seems to be a belief that in Wilson, Smith, and Macon Counties, your child can speak to the judge at the age of 12.  And tell the Judge who they want to live with, and the Judge will do as the child asks.

In my experience, that is NOT the case.

The law says that at age 12, a child may state their preference. However, this is one of many factors the Judge may consider when deciding custody. The law sets out the factors the Judge considers when determining custody, and this preference alone will not make or break the case.  Furthermore, if you are a resident of Lebanon, Mt. Juliet, or Watertown, your local Judges will often speak to the children even if they are younger than 12.

Most young children are allowed to testify in the Judge’s Chamber with only the Judge and the two attorneys present. The attorneys and the Judge have the right to ask the child questions. And often, someone asks, What did your Mom or Dad tell you about what is going on today?

When it Comes to Child Custody Questions, Do Not Coach Your Children

I advise you not to coach your children about what to say to the Judge. It is obvious within the first 10 minutes which parent has told the child about the divorce.  And which parent has coached the child about what to say about the other parent.  I strongly recommend you say nothing to your children about your ongoing case and not ask them who they want to live with.

I know this is very hard to do. But your children should not be put in that position to pick between their parents in a divorce. That’s not to say they won’t be asked their preference in chambers. But pressuring the child beforehand or prepping them for Court will not help you.

If you have questions about child custody or divorce, contact us at https://www.kane-law.com/contact-us/.